Aspiring filmmakers take note, a major production studio is looking for production assistants!

Candidates must have a four-year degree from an Ivy League school (Penn and Brown graduates are eligible, but not encouraged to apply) and must be willing to work 60-80 hours a week doing menial tasks while being constantly chastised by the person that had the job last year. 

“This is a great stepping stone into the entertainment industry,” said Bradford Michael Whitney III, an assistant editor on Amazon’s I Am The Night shortly before excusing himself to really lay into 23-year-old P.A. Amanda Palmer for getting him the wrong type of scone. “Do you know how fucking lucky you are to be here?” he asked rhetorically before telling her “Make this mistake again and you’ll find yourself back at Cambridge before you can say ‘Phoebe Waller-Bridge Is A Genius.'”

The position’s pay is competitive with sweatshops in mainland China, but the ideal applicant’s focus should be motivated by the opportunity and not pay.

We want our assistants to be motivated by the desire to support our storytellers and not the need to afford rent and food,” said producer Davita Harrison in between back-to-back-to-back-to-back interviews with recent college graduates at a Studio City Starbucks. “Ideally, we like our production assistants to be independently wealthy enough to be able to work for nothing,” said Ms. Harrison before reiterating her commitment to giving opportunities to diverse and underrepresented applicants.