“I just don’t see why this is necessary,” said 88-year-old Marina Del Rey resident Abigail Breslin-Price-Waterhouse-Cooper. “We aren’t named after this singer, Lana, or whatever.” 

“True, but unfortunately “Del Rey” is now associated with Lana Del Rey and she was critical of Beyoncé or something on Twitter this week and we think it’s best to just change the name so we don’t appear to support white feminism,” said Janice Hahn, a member of the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors whose district includes Marina Del Rey.

“What’s wrong with being a white feminist? Isn’t it good to be a feminist?” asked Ms. Breslin et al.

“Woah, are you kidding me?” asked Supervisor Hahn. “The world has no place for white feminism because frankly if your feminism isn’t inclusive then FUCK YOU, Ms. Breslin-Price-Waterhouse-Cooper,” said a visibly shaken Hahn before adding, “It’s people like you that set the women’s movement back tens of thousands of years!” before ordering police to arrest her. 

The emergency name change occurred after singer Lana Del Rey responded to criticism that lyrics to the songs she writes do not empower women by referencing the lyrics of singers like Beyonce and Doja Cat who write about “being sexy” and “wearing no clothes”.

“Her comments seem pretty innocuous” said Supervisor Hilda Solis. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Hilda? What you said is totally a white feminist comment,” said Supervisor Hahn to the only Hispanic on the Board of Supervisors before calling for her to be recalled. 

The Motion to rename Marina Del Rey ultimately passed with a 5-0 vote by the Board of Supervisors. The Avocado asked Ms. Hahn why LA County is governed by a five-member Commission, each of whom oversees such a massive geographic area that it seems impossible they could truly reflect the values or properly advocate for the needs of the many diverse local communities and interests they represent. 

“That’s a total white feminist comment and I just won’t dignify it with an answer,” said Hahn who is the sole county representative for a district that stretches 458 square miles and includes a population of 1,971,639 people.