Los Angeles government suspended all City operations this morning and announced it would do so until the weather reached at least 70 degrees.
“It’s just too damn cold to do anything,” said Mayor Eric Garcetti from underneath three blankets in his bed while The View played in the background. The Mayor says once the Government reopens he plans to enact legislation that would prepare the City for future cold weather days by providing educational services to the community to teach people how to dress for the weather and how to use their home’s heater.
Residents around Southern California are reacting to the cold weather change by shivering uncontrollably. Except Dave, who insists he isn’t cold and even wore shorts to work today to prove the point. “It isn’t so bad. I don’t know what people are complaining about,” said Dave as he brought a cup of iced coffee to his blue lips.