“I am God, and you can’t tax God,” Kanye West told IRS officials Monday in a petition we made up to recognize him as his own distinct tax-exempt religious entity. The artist rationalized his position by stating: “I mean, where are you gonna send the tax bill? Heaven? You can’t send mail to Heaven, bruh, that’s why Santa lives in the North Pole, and you can’t make me move to the North Pole because I’m God and I have rights.” 

West, who believes he is Jesus, recently released an album titled “Jesus is King” that documents his devotion to god, Chik-Fil-A and money. He also hosts church services every Sunday where he performs songs alongside a gospel choir and sells $250 sweaters to his disciples. As a tax-exempt entity, Kanye would be able to pursue these, and potentially other revenue streams, without paying federal income taxes.

The artist reportedly got the idea to apply for tax-exempt status after hosting a church service alongside mega-church preacher Joel Osteen and learning that Osteen has a 65 million dollar jet. “I want a 65 million dollar jet,” said West, and with that, a new religion was born…again.

“It appears West’s religious devotion is directly tied to his desire to make money,” said religious tax expert Hamish Winterbaum. “So in that sense, what he is doing is no different than literally any other religion and he should also be exempt from taxes.”

The Avocado was taken aback by Mr. Winterbaum’s blunt assessment, but then started thinking about it and I guess if Scientology can get away without paying taxes then why shouldn’t Kanye? At least Kanye gave us all College Dropout. Maybe he deserves it?

UPDATE: After publishing this article, we received several notes accusing us of having made up this story to prove an unclear point. The Avocado agrees with that assessment and is accordingly applying to be recognized as a Church.

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