Fellow members of Generation-Z, can you believe its nearly 2060? What a long, strange AF trip it’s been.

As we look back on another trill decade, I am so proud that the battles that united us in our youth resulted in actual change. Thanks in large part to Swedish Prime Minister Thunberg and Nobel Laureate Machine Gun Kelly’s efforts, we have reversed so much of the damage caused to the environment by our grandparents’ generation that we now have to pump carbon back into the atmosphere to combat climate stasis. Luckily, we can now purchase carbon on-sets for only a satoshi of a bitcoin. But perhaps the greatest win for our generation is that we eliminated the gun violence epidemic that plagued us in our youth which was solved when Congressional Republicans finally came around and passed gun regulations in 2030 shortly after the NRA’s bankruptcy.

But for all the progress we have made, I still stan the simple days of our youth. The days when there were only 4 streaming services and people actually took the time to text each other. Now, everyone is so distracted by their cerebral-communication implant that there isn’t a day that goes by when my self-driving car isn’t forced to swerve out of the way of some neural-texting teenager.

I don’t know about you, but I find Generation Gamma (born between 2035 and 2050) thirsty and entitled. Back in the 2010s, if we wanted something we actually had to tell Alexa to order it and wait sometimes a day for it to arrive at our house. Today’s kids just have to think about what they want into their Amazon Brain-Stem and it is 3D printed right in front of them. They have it too easy. With all of this instant-gratification is it any wonder why young people have no attention span and can’t even get through a single Tik-Tok without being distracted?

My biggest issue with today’s youth is their lack of respect. I resent when they say “OK Gen- Zer” to me whenever I go out of my way to criticize them for the things they like or when they spend money on toast. Young people should respect their elders like we did when we were young. That’s why I find their criticisms of President Buttigieg so problematic. President Pete has the age and experience we need to get us out of the mess caused by President Kanye West and Vice President Logan Paul. Insulting him for being in his late 70’s is ageist IMHO.

But TBH, I’m not completely salty at today’s young people and would lowkey admit that a lot of what they do is 🔥. It was Gucci that they were able to remove most of the Trump monuments he had installed during his third and fourth terms and sic that they were able to push through the 28th Amendment, which bolded and italicized existing portions of the Constitution so future generations got that they are not optional.

Still, their music annoys me. Call me old fashioned, but it doesn’t have enough electronic sounds. It’s all woodwinds and string instruments—that just isn’t music. But I guess that’s how it goes. Time moves on and at some point every generation has to accept that the next generation is going to do things their way. That’s where us Gen-Zers are now. But at least some of our heroes still have a voice and we can still enjoy good, old-fashion entertainment that harkens back to a simpler time. My BAE and I are going to see Billie Eilish on her co-headlining farewell tour next summer. She is playing alongside a holograph of Post Malone. It’s going to be lit.