October 10 is World Mental Health Day, and mental health advocates around the world are applauding President Donald Trump for his work as a spokesperson for the mentally ill. “I’m basically the Obama for mentally ill and completely unstable presidents,” Trump gloated to a photoshopped image of himself as a much younger and thinner man that he keeps around because mirrors are biased and completely unfair. 

“It’s so wonderful that the general public gets to see someone actively suffering from a serious mental health condition in a position of such great authority,” said Cal State Northridge psychologist Dr. Abraham Bunsendof (with an umlaut over the first “u” but I don’t know how to add that one in WordPress). “Donald Trump is a textbook example of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and his success will surely be an inspiration to other narcissists all over the world.”

The clinical criteria for diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder are described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the primary taxonomic publication for diagnosing psychological conditions that, yes, used to call homosexuality a mental health disorder, but forget about that for the time being as I make fun of Trump. The DSM defines Narcissistic Personality as:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);

(2) Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love;

(3) Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions);

(4) Requires excessive admiration;

(5) Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations;

(6) Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends;

(7) Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others;

(8) Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her;

(9) Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

When presented with the criteria, Trump was impressed. “You know, it says you only need five or more of those factors to get Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I have all nine factors and probably more, so I guess you can say I am the greatest narcissist in the entire world, probably in the history of the world if you’re gonna be honest, and anyone who says otherwise is probably a spy,” Trump told the photoshopped picture of himself, which upon further inspection was just a photo of Alec Baldwin from the 1980s.