Disney is reportedly considering a separate “adult-themed” streaming service called “Disney After Dark,” which will feature more mature content, including the 20th Century Fox catalog of R-rated content, as well as a variety of hardcore pornographic options. 

We knew early on that we wanted Disney Plus to be strictly for families and didn’t want it to include R-rated films,” said CEO Bob Iger. “But when we purchased 20th Century Fox last year, we also acquired cinematic classics that were not well suited for our main platform and its core audience of childless 30-somethings watching Darkwing Duck and thinking about a time before Trump. We think it’s time there was an outlet available for only another $6.99 a month to watch our more mature intellectual property.” 

The Disney after Dark brand will include 20th Century Fox owned classics like All About Eve, mature action comedies like Deadpool, and a wide variety of hardcore and kink fetish porn made available through Disney’s recent acquisition of internet pornography website Pornhub. 

When asked why Disney decided to acquire Pornhub, Mr. Iger said it was part of Disney’s long-term goal of “owning all the companies.”

“At Disney, we believe in being innovative, and we think entering the smut business is key to our future success,” said Iger, who noted that a 30-something could only watch Darkwing Duck for so long before getting bored and needing to masturbate. “The show was made for 10-year-olds, it can’t realistically sustain an adult’s attention for more than, honestly, about half an episode. We want to make sure that when our Disney Plus customers leave our platform to seek out more mature content, they don’t go to a competitor.”

The Avocado spoke to Harlan Palmer, a 34-year-old graphic designer and self-prescribed Disney fanatic who spent the day binging Disney classics from his youth in between visits to Pornhub. “I guess you can say I’m Disney obsessed,” said Mr. Palmer before watching the first 10 minutes of Alice in Wonderland, getting bored, and pulling out his laptop.

The Avocado spoke to a chain smoking Netflix executive about Disney’s strategy: “I think it’s brilliant. People love nostalgia and porn,” he said as an assistant handed him a printout of the number of users who canceled their accounts in the last two weeks. As he sat there contemplating what Disney’s entry into the streaming world means for Netflix, he muttered something about “remember how good Orange Is the New Black used to be” before asking us to leave the room so he can “check out the competition.” 

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