Lady Justice has resigned from her role as the symbolic manifestation of equity and justice under U.S. law. “I just think it’s time for me to pursue other things,” said Lady who has been with the Department of Justice since its creation. While the allegorical personification says she has no immediate plan and is looking forward to the time off, she said she is interested in writing and helping her friend Janice with her homemade soap business.
“Janice is such a talent soapmaker,” said Lady Justice. “And her brother-in-law is a buyer with Bed Bath and Beyond so what she is doing could be a really good opportunity.”
Lady Justice told The Avocado that she had been thinking about a career change for a while, but after watching how the impeachment devolved into a partisan spectacle and seeing Trump force the Justice Department to lower the sentencing recommendations for his former political advisor, Roger Stone, she said this felt like a good time to leave.
“I love America and believe in the American justice system,” said Lady Justice. “But I also believe that I need to work on myself and pursue other opportunities like helping Janice with her soap business. I think this is best for me.”
In a statement by the Justice Department about Lady Justice’s unexpected resignation, Attorney General Bill Barr called the personification of justice a “partisan whore” and announced she would be replaced by Natalia Myasnikov, the Ukranian wife to a prominent Trump donor. “This is quite honor,” said Ms. Myasnikov as she picked up the silver scales of justice for the first time only to tell her husband that “scales look cheap, no?” and to see if she could replace the symbol of justice being equal to all regardless of race or wealth with something “more luxurious.”