You ever watch a movie you love and think to yourself: wait a minute, I’ve seen this before. Well, here are some new plot twists to spice up some movies you and I know and love:

Sixth Sense by M Knight Shyamalan.

Original plot twist: the guy has been dead the whole time.

New Plot twist – Nope, he’s actually been alive. 

Shrek A story about Shrek, a green monster who marries, Fiona, another green monster and lives happily ever after.

Plot twist: Fiona hates it in his swamp and has an affair with the donkey and gets pregnant.

Plot twist: Shrek knew! He was watching from the “bird hide”. Oh and the baby actually survives labor but the costs of raising it are too much so they bring it to an old witch to raise and when the monster–donkey baby grows up it becomes the President of the Farmer’s Coalition. 

Surf Ninjas: Never heard of it, right?

Plot twist: Now you have!

That movie with the dog and the little boy stuck in the well: 

Plot twist: That dog is actually a huge star. You know? Like a real big player. Bonus plot twist: He’s about to fire his agent.

Inception: 

Plot twist: The idea to even go to the movie was itself incepted into your brain by Leonardo DiCaprio’s character and then you wake up and you realize you just had a nightmare where you wasted $25 back in 2012.

Bonus Plot Twist: your ex-girlfriend didn’t have to explain the ending to you, making you feel stupid and maybe you wouldn’t have had that huge argument and you’d still be together and who knows what could have happened and if you’d have kids by now. But you’re happy. You are happy… Right?

Twister: a movie about tornados 

Plot twist: Twister learns the value of friendship and becomes a normal-shaped wind.

Star Wars. Vader is Luke’s father, revealed when he says “I am your father Luke”.

Plot twist: his name isn’t Luke. Vader says “I am your father, Mike”. Mike?!

Plot twist twist: Those people who say “Vader never actually says ‘I am your father Luke’”, never actually existed. They’ve been dead this whole time.

The colonoscopy I had in Koreatown: In the end it turns out it’s probably just IBS.

Plot twist – I wake from sedation but I’m pretty sure they didn’t do the colonoscopy at all because I put on lipstick this morning and now, it’s not even smudged. Double plot twist – I remember it’s a colonoscopy. The camera doesn’t go in the mouth. Triple plot twist – I remember I also put lipstick on my bootie hole this morning and that’s not smudged either, so we’re back to wondering whether I had a colonoscopy in the first place and if I didn’t, who’s colonoscopy did I upload to my instagram feed? 

The Village: A bunch of people who are afraid of these wolf dudes made of twigs who turn out to be that bunch of people.

Plot twist: Nope, they’re wolf dudes made of twigs. Oh and they’ve been dead all along. But also, they wrote that story so when the movie ends they say “and that’s the end of that tale”, and they close the book the story was written in, and they turn to camera and show their tails! Get it? Tails! But plot twist: their tails are made of that twig stuff I mentioned earlier. 

The Usual Suspects: A movie I haven’t actually seen but whose twist has been ruined for me by everyone.

Plot twist: People have the grace to not reveal the most crucial piece of information in the movie because they don’t have self-esteem issues.

Puh-Plot twist: Everyone has self-esteem issues so I actually forgive them. 

By Cathal Power

A planned boycott of the  December 19th debate by seven Democratic presidential candidates led to Loyola Marymount University contractor Sodexo and UNITE-HERE Local 11 cafeteria workers to settle a labor dispute. The move was met with strong support from Los Angeles shoppers at Whole Foods.
“I love it! Stand with workers,” said yoga instructor Ella Brisbane, unaware of Whole Foods’ anti-union track record.
This is a strong move from the Democrats, who had previously moved the debate from UCLA due to an ongoing dispute with AFSCME union workers. This election season has seen many candidates showing up on picket lines to declare support for organized labor, to the delight of many Whole Foods shoppers.

“As a union craft services member, I support my fellow food workers,” said Len Dubuque, member of IATSE, who was shopping for fresh produce for an upcoming gig.

Dubuque gave an impassioned explanation of the benefits of unions and the importance of solidarity, despite the Riverside Drive and Coldwater Canyon Ave. Whole Foods he was at being non-union, and only blocks away from a UFCW represented Ralph’s.

“Every little bit you can do to help fellow union members will come back to you,” Dubuque said, loading up his cart with crudité platters that were harvested with non-union farm labor.

Political experts say the solidarity displayed by the Democratic candidates and thr successful outcome signals a stronger bond between organized labor and the party, a potential boon as public opinion in favor of unions reaches a 50-year high.

However, others were skeptical if Democrats would have offered the same consideration to other groups.

“Loyola Marymount is a Catholic school, and the church isn’t accepting of gay people, so would they have boycotted the debate if gay people spoke up?” asked Charles O’Dell, a self-described cis-male ally, while eating at Chik-Fil-A.

When informed that Loyola Marymount has university-sanctioned LGBT services, he shrugged.

“I guess that’s okay then,” he said, before returning to the counter to buy Chik-Fil-A gift cards to give out at his officemates for the holidays.

By Philip Moon