You ever watch a movie you love and think to yourself: wait a minute, I’ve seen this before. Well, here are some new plot twists to spice up some movies you and I know and love:
Sixth Sense by M Knight Shyamalan.
Original plot twist: the guy has been dead the whole time.
New Plot twist – Nope, he’s actually been alive.
Shrek – A story about Shrek, a green monster who marries, Fiona, another green monster and lives happily ever after.
Plot twist: Fiona hates it in his swamp and has an affair with the donkey and gets pregnant.
Plot twist: Shrek knew! He was watching from the “bird hide”. Oh and the baby actually survives labor but the costs of raising it are too much so they bring it to an old witch to raise and when the monster–donkey baby grows up it becomes the President of the Farmer’s Coalition.
Surf Ninjas: Never heard of it, right?
Plot twist: Now you have!
That movie with the dog and the little boy stuck in the well:
Plot twist: That dog is actually a huge star. You know? Like a real big player. Bonus plot twist: He’s about to fire his agent.
Plot twist: The idea to even go to the movie was itself incepted into your brain by Leonardo DiCaprio’s character and then you wake up and you realize you just had a nightmare where you wasted $25 back in 2012.
Bonus Plot Twist: your ex-girlfriend didn’t have to explain the ending to you, making you feel stupid and maybe you wouldn’t have had that huge argument and you’d still be together and who knows what could have happened and if you’d have kids by now. But you’re happy. You are happy… Right?
Twister: a movie about tornados
Plot twist: Twister learns the value of friendship and becomes a normal-shaped wind.
Star Wars. Vader is Luke’s father, revealed when he says “I am your father Luke”.
Plot twist: his name isn’t Luke. Vader says “I am your father, Mike”. Mike?!
Plot twist twist: Those people who say “Vader never actually says ‘I am your father Luke’”, never actually existed. They’ve been dead this whole time.
The colonoscopy I had in Koreatown: In the end it turns out it’s probably just IBS.
Plot twist – I wake from sedation but I’m pretty sure they didn’t do the colonoscopy at all because I put on lipstick this morning and now, it’s not even smudged. Double plot twist – I remember it’s a colonoscopy. The camera doesn’t go in the mouth. Triple plot twist – I remember I also put lipstick on my bootie hole this morning and that’s not smudged either, so we’re back to wondering whether I had a colonoscopy in the first place and if I didn’t, who’s colonoscopy did I upload to my instagram feed?
The Village: A bunch of people who are afraid of these wolf dudes made of twigs who turn out to be that bunch of people.
Plot twist: Nope, they’re wolf dudes made of twigs. Oh and they’ve been dead all along. But also, they wrote that story so when the movie ends they say “and that’s the end of that tale”, and they close the book the story was written in, and they turn to camera and show their tails! Get it? Tails! But plot twist: their tails are made of that twig stuff I mentioned earlier.
The Usual Suspects: A movie I haven’t actually seen but whose twist has been ruined for me by everyone.
Plot twist: People have the grace to not reveal the most crucial piece of information in the movie because they don’t have self-esteem issues.
Puh-Plot twist: Everyone has self-esteem issues so I actually forgive them.
By Cathal Power