“Oh cool…several planes,” thought Marcos Santiago of Boyle Heights as he watched a formation of the Air Force’s Thunderbird squadron from the sidewalk outside his apartment. After the flyover, the former bartender went back inside to see if his unemployment application was processed and pray Los Angeles does not lift its moratorium on evictions.

“People love planes and the military and displays of American exceptionalism,” said Air Force Lieutenant Jared L. Pumperstuff. “A military flyover is the very least the U.S. government can do for our country during this time of crisis,” said Pumperstuff, who noted in addition to the flyover the federal government had also given most Americans $1200 in addition to 1.8 trillion dollars in Corporate subsidies and relief.

The Avocado asked Mr. Santiago how he felt about the government’s response to the expanding economic crisis caused by Coronavirus, to which the 33-year-old shot himself in the head. We then asked the question to Mr. Santiago’s widow who noted that the money they had received from the government was not enough to cover their monthly bills and that the moratorium on evictions still required them to pay back any back rent, a prospect Mr. Santiago found daunting. She did not, however, that before he died he told her he thought the planes were pretty cool.

“See! People love planes!” said Lt. Pumperstuff when we told him about Mr. Santiago’s death.  When asked whether recent military flyovers by the Air Force’s Thunderbird division and the Navy’s Blue Angels are the best use of public money during a time of deep economic crisis, Pumperstuff said “That’s the best part. The flyovers are totally free!”

The Avocado noted that it costs over $60,000 per hour to fly a military squadron, but was then informed that because military pilots need a certain amount of hours of flight time, and they were going to need to fly the planes anyway, the government thought they might as well give people like Mr. Santiago and his widow a morale boost. “So, it doesn’t actually cost the taxpayer more money because it’s just part of the United States’s 1.4 trillion dollars military budget. It’s basically free!”

I tried to explain to Pumperstuff that taxpayers fund the U.S.’s military budget, to which the 30-year Air Force veteran just replied: “People love planes.”